


Superficial

by moroseyouthend



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Siblings, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Friendship, Multi, No Incest, Protective Siblings, Reader-Insert, Sibling AU, Sibling Bonding, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-17 22:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10603620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moroseyouthend/pseuds/moroseyouthend
Summary: [Carl Grimes X Grimes! Sister Reader]We were ten once, with dreams high as the sky and wishes far past the clouds. Staying up late together on Friday nights, watching whatever movie our mom put on.Then, the dead stopped staying dead.Superficial /adj//1-Existing at or occurring on the surface.





	1. Since the Begninning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things were good.
> 
> They w e r e.

**_Superficial /adj/_ **

  1. _Existing or occurring at or on the surface._
  2. _Appearing to be true or real only until examined more **c l o s e l y**._



* * *

 

        One thing you hated most about school, and even more than homework, was being away from home. The hours you spent at school were moments you could have spent at home with your mom, playing with your brother, or baking cookies. It’s not that fifth grade was demanding, and your older brother being in your class proved to be entertaining; however, you still longed for lazy summer afternoons. Days where you laid your head in your brother’s lap and sprawled your legs across the couch. Some of the best summer moments you had were wasting away the days playing video games in your air conditioned home. On the days you both sat watching TV waiting for your dad to return home your brother would occasionally run his small fingers through your locks of hair, his blue eyes trained on the television.

 

        Unfortunately, like all good things, summer came to an end. With the crisp days went your freedom, and the sense of normalcy. Your parents were very good at acting loving when you and your brother were home, but school left them to themselves and with their time alone came hostility. You were used to it of course, since it was merely a part of your family domestics; yet, as you sat at your desk staring blankly at the blackboard your thoughts could only return to your mother’s last words to your father that morning.

 

         _“Sometimes I wonder if you_ _even **care**_ _about us at_ ** _all_** _.”_

 

        Ms. Stephens rattled on and on at the front of the room, but you could only bring your mind to focus on the sharp gasp that left your dad. The dark sting in his eyes as hurt fluttered across his expression. Carl had stood beside you, frowning in his confusion as your mother hurled insults at your dad faster than you could blink. Even as the bell rang signalling the end of class it sat with you on your shoulders just like your backpack as you slung it over your shoulder. Wrapped in your own thoughts you jog over to your older twin brother. Unlike yourself he had yet to hit puberty while you had already started your growth spurt.

 

        Despite his height, or lack thereof, he was still the leader- that was certain as he slips his own small hands into your own. Without much warning he tugs you from the classroom and basically drags you down the corridor as if you were a dead weight until he rouses you from your stupor. A giggle bubbles in your throat as you both stumble past other children your age littering the hallway, just nearly knocking over the janitor as you pass him making his rounds. You mutter words of apology as you push past him and zoom around your principal, straight out the doors of the school.

 

        “Slow down, Carl,” you laugh as you both nearly tumble down the school’s front steps, “You’re gonna kill us!”

 

        “Mom’s here, (Y/N)!” He counters in explanation, grin almost splitting his face in two. He regains his balance on the last step as his free hand gestures to your mother awaiting your arrival just on the edge of the playground. “We’re just a car ride away from working air conditioning.” He states merrily, excited to be free of the hell known as school.

        

        Lori awaits you both, smile just barely forced upon her face as you both skid to a complete stop before her. Though, her expression wavers as she is met with the happy eyes of her children, heart nearly breaking as you both give her wide eyes filled with curiosity.

 

        “Mom?” You question, confused as her face fills with sorrow.

 

        “Carl, (Y/N).” The break in her voice sets a panic in the back of your mind, though Carl seems oblivious to her sudden crestfallen disposition.

 

        “Mom! (Y/N) and I had so much _fun_ today-”

 

        “Your father is in the hospital.” She wasn’t good at breaking news, Lori knew that much when you both burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concept has been in my head for several years now, but I was never really pushed to do it until my friend (waywardlullabies on Tumblr) pushed me to do it. The story takes place from pre-season one, to the current season of The Walking Dead.
> 
> I originally posted this on Quotev, this isn't stolen. Same writer different Alias.


	2. Odium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane doesn't like that you still talk about your father. 
> 
> He despises it. 
> 
>  
> 
> He despises you.

**_Odium /noun/_ **

  1. _General or widespread hatred or disgust directed towards someone as a result of their actions_



* * *

        

        The highway to Atlanta wasn’t safe, after finding some semblance of a group your mother ushered you and your brother back into Shane’s jeep. There was some sense of safety in numbers, and your mother knew that better than anyone. Next you knew your face was against the cool steel of the door and your vision was drifting in and out of focus. Locks of your  loose hair fluttering in the wind as your mother hums a lullaby to herself in the front seat. You can barely register the heat from your brother’s body as he leans against you in his sleep. The cool blue light of the moon and the steady breathing of your brother eventually lull you to sleep in the back of the cab, the dirt from the road doing nothing to dissuade you. The events of the past week had only coaxed you into the idea of sleep, something you had begun to lack since day one. You were just a kid, but you were tossed into such an adult situation- not that your mother or Shane allowed you to worry for yourself. Though, you wouldn’t make it on your own anyway, still relying on your family for support was a part of being ten.

 

        The next time you opened your eyes it was to the sound of Shane coercing you out of the backseat of the jeep to lead you over to a tent Carl had already been introduced to. You weren’t exactly a fan of camping, but you didn’t have a choice in the matter and you knew better than to disobey. With a week full of people _eating_ other people, sleeping on the ground was truly the least of your problems. The influx of information was enough to send you clinging to the front of the man's shirt as he pulls you from your seat and into his arm. Head leaning against his chest you are only reminded of the nights your father would carry you from the couch and to your bed, smiling down at you as he kissed your forehead before turning off the lights as he left you to sleep.

 

        “Shane?” You mumbled groggily into his shirt, curious eyes peering up at the dark haired man.

 

        “(Y/N)?” His rough voice rumbles through his chest, reverberating through the girl as he hoists her through the opening of the tent.

 

        “I- I miss my daddy,” you answer with tears bubbling in your eyes before you shake your head away from his leering gaze, “Thank you for helping us…” You finish as he places you under your sleeping bag and zips you in tight.

 

        “Don’t mention it kiddo, y’all are practically family.” He smiles, but as you close your eyes and slip into unconsciousness you miss his glare of disdain.

 

        The next morning is all a blur as you peel your sleeping bag off of your warm body and climb out of your tent. You were the first to emerge from your tent, slowly scrambling over to the fire-pit the adults, including Shane, had begun to build just before you had arrived. Wonderment fills your irises as you peer over to a short haired woman hanging laundry lines with a little blonde girl nearly attached to her hip. Your gaze shifts past the pit to the top of the RV where an older gentleman stands with binoculars in hand. Running your hands through your hair you walk over to the RV and glance up at the man whose mind is running elsewhere, his body facing towards the remnants of the city.

 

        “Um, mister?” You call up to gain his attention. The older man turns around to shift his sight to your small body just below his position atop his camper. “What are you looking at?”

 

        “Ah, just the interstate-”

 

        “(Y/N), _there_ you are!” Lori’s voice interrupts the man and you are spun around to meet the worried gaze of your mother. Carl stands just behind her, bedhead and all as he rubs at his pale blue eyes. “What were you thinking just running off like that? I woke up and you were gone- I was so worried.” She speaks, eyes surveying your petite form for any signs of injury.

 

        “Mom,” you groan pushing her prodding hands away from your from, “I just woke up and came over here. Shane is right over there. I’m okay.” You point out, pouting, “I was just asking what that guy up there was looking at.”

 

        “(Y/N), he has a name.” Not that she knew it either.

 

        “Ah not to worry Ms. Grimes,” he had been briefly told her name the night before by Shane, “It was no trouble, she’s just curious is all.” He smiles, pearly whites shining past his graying beard, “I’m Dale, this here's my RV. Don’t worry about your kids with me, I’m just keeping a lookout for everyone from up here.”

 

        His words seemed to deflate Lori’s concern as she nods, giving you one last firm look. One that let you know you would be getting another talking to later, but she let it go for now. Instead she began to lead you and Carl around the group to meet the others, not that many of the names stuck with you. There were so many people and you had so much information swimming around in your head that the second ushering left you disinterested. You met a few other kids your age, and that’s all you bothered remembering aside from Dale, a girl named Amy, and your immediate family. The little girl who you had seen earlier you learned was named Sophia from Carl, and you could recall the name of the Asian guy _if_  Carl reminded you.

 

        As the weeks dragged by and turned into months you grew better with the names of people you had once only met in passing. So much time had passed that it had begun to blur together until you were sure summer had once again returned. The Georgia heat boring down upon everyone was only proof. Every day felt longer than the last and you could feel yourself growing truly bored. Days like these used to be spent with air conditioning, a cold cola, and hours of video games. Now the best source of entertainment you had was playing dolls- there was only so many days one could take of playing with Eliza and Sophia. Not that you weren’t enjoying your childhood- it just felt like things were different now, you almost felt like you couldn’t pretend to be a kid anymore. However, the day your mother let that happen was the day she descended into _hell_.

 

        Not that you knew that’s where she was headed.

 

        “(Y/N), what are you thinking about?” Startled you jump beneath the gentle hands of Amy, her lithe fingers threading through your hair.

 

        “I just miss my dad,” that was what you had resorted to saying when you thought of the past. ‘I miss my dad,’ which you did, but you also miss what you had when your dad was still alive. A home, safety, a life full of promise. Not a future riddled with deaths, ones that were still unknown.

 

        “It’s okay, (Y/N).” But it’s not, and they all know it. Nobody knows how to help you kids who sleep every night in fear, and she can’t help you as you begin to sob into her chest. You had never learned loss before this all. None of you kids had, and yet it was slowly turning into something you all knew. Your group had dwindled down significantly since you all had set up camp, at least six other families had died since then.


	3. Tender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one likes Shane.
> 
> Especially not an angry mama bear.

**_Tender /adj/_ **

  1. _Showing gentleness and concern or sympathy_



* * *

        “Why’s she crying?” Shane’s voice broke through the desperate cries you were pouring into Amy’s chest.  His hands rest on his hips, a thick eyebrow raising as Amy pulls you tighter against her chest and sends him a glare. Ignoring him she runs her hands through your partially braided hair. Shane raises his hands in surrender as you sink into the motherly woman's arms, slowly calming.

 

        “She misses her dad,” the blonde chides as you peer past your bangs to look at Shane. He rolls his eyes, a look you fail to comprehend on his face as he falls into his own thoughts.

 

        “He’s dead (Y/N),” he spits enraged, “He _ain’t_ coming back!” You begin to cry again, though this time with hot angry tears blinding your vision as he takes out his frustrations on you/ Shane was supposed to protect your family, but he just kept hurting you. You pull away from Amy’s grasp, hands balling into fists as you glare at him pointedly. Though you cannot bring yourself to draw any closer, Shane scares you even in your angered state.

 

        “Shut up! Don’t talk about my daddy!” You scream, holding in your grief as you spin on your heel to run off and find your mother.

 

        “Shane you’re such an **ass**.” Amy glares.

 

        Lori hadn’t been too far off from your exchange, plucking dried laundry from the clothesline. The sounds of your angry yells had alerted her enough to turn around as you ran from your confrontation with Shane. Her delicate arms wrapping around your torso as you bury your face in her chest. If you had taken this moment to notice, you’d see how much you had really grown since this started- not that it change _anything_. You were still the baby of your family, and it was made clear every day.

 

        Shane was the _leader_  of your group, no matter how poor his attitude towards you. Though he had made his disdain for you very apparent whenever you brought up your father.

 

        Lori’s eyes do nothing to shield Shane from her prying gaze, anger slapping him through their distance withering his stance; “It’s alright, (Y/N),” she coos rubbing your back, “Mommy's got you.” Her focus returns to your distressed form, nimble hands focusing on enticing you out of your tears. Times like these remind you that you’re not alone, your dad is gone and along with him your home, but you still had your mom and your brother by your side. Taking in one last shaky breath Lori pulls away to survey your face, thumbs brushing away your last few stray tears. She does her best to smile a you meet her gaze.

 

        “(Y/N) sweetie, I know it hurts,” her soft thumb continues to circle along your cheek, blue eyes warm, “I wish your daddy was here too, but we have to move on. For him-”

 

    **_“Hello, hello. Can anybody hear my voice?”_**

 

        You’re both startled away from each other gaze drifting over to my who had already firmly gripped the walkie-talkie, pulling it close to her face as she begins talking into the walkie.

 

        “(Y/N), go play with Carl and Sophia,” then she was off to join the other adults. Easily ushering you over to your friend and brother as she runs over to join them.


	4. Frolic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl, the peacemaker.

**_Frolic /verb/_ **

  1. _(of an animal or person) play and move about cheerfully, excitedly, or energetically._



 

* * *

 

        Before you knew it you were all caught up in an intense game of hide and seek. Sophia was the seeker as everyone peered from their hiding spots, all except you. Instead of behind a tree, or a tent like anyone else you had climbed the RV, since you knew no one would be looking up. Giggling as you plop down on the side of the vehicle beside Dale’s lounging form you glance down over the quarry. The old man pays you no mind, only smiling to you in acknowledgement as you stare down over the quarry in silence. Behind you the giggles of the others drift to the caravan you sat lounging upon, oblivious to the other kids who had still yet to be found.

 

        “(Y/N), I found you!” Sophia’s voice calls from below and you peer over your shoulder to see her standing below you with a sheepish Carl beside her. You puff your cheeks out in annoyance, gaze drifting to Carl who gives you a hesitant smile. With a sigh you crawl over to the ladder and climb back down.

 

        “Thanks a lot, Carl.” You grumble, lightly punching his shoulder.

 

        “Sorry, (Y/N),” he laughs with a small smile, “At least you’re not it, right?” He chides as you send him an unamused glare. Shaking your head at him you sigh and pout once more before grinning lightly. Leave it to your brother to give you away, of course he was a sellout.

 

        “You’re a sellout!” You laugh, slinging an arm over his shoulder to give him a noogie. Trapped, he swings his hands at your assault with a loud groan. Letting him go he pulls away to fix his hair with a grumble, Sophia laughs beside him, hand just covering her smiling lips blue eyes sparkling with mirth.

 

        He shoves you lightly as you beam down at him, standing up straight as you glance back to the woods. You can just barely see Eliza and her brother peeking over at the exchange, and since you had already been sold out it wouldn’t hurt to expose them in return. Besides, they had given you away hundreds of times, it was only fair. An eye for an eye as they say.

 

        “Why didn’t you get them first,” You complain as Sophia begins towards the woods with your brother and yourself in tow. The girl gives you no answer as your brother shrugs over to you following in tow. About halfway to the treeline Shane intercepts your group, eyeing your brother who looks at him in silent question.

 

        “Hey little man, how’d you like to learn about knots?” Shane grins down at Carl, focus set solely on the boy. Carl looks to you with excitement, grin on his face as he looks back to Shane.

 

        “Really?” He bounces on the soles of his seat.

 

        “Of course! _‘Sides_ , it’s probably loads more fun than playing _hide ‘n seek_.” Shane speaks with a grin to the boy. You frown as your brother lets out a little sound in content. Your father’s best friend had always favored Carl over you, that much was certain.

 

        “But Carl- you’re the next seeker,” you point out, nudging him.

 

        “But, _but_ **_(Y/N),_** ” he pouts, puppy eyes landing on your annoyed glare, “I want to learn about knots.”

 

        “...You suck.” You sigh looking back to Sophia who shrugs to you.

 

        “Okay Shane,” Carl chirps smiling again, “But only if you promise to help (Y/N) too.” And that’s how you got dragged along to learn about knots with your brother and the man who hated you most. On the bright side, you weren’t _‘it’_  anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your brother doesn't like haircuts.
> 
> Frog legs are gross.
> 
> And, somebody doesn't know how to turn their damn alarm off!

**_Thrill /noun/_ **

  1. _A sudden feeling of excitement and pleasure._



 

* * *

 

        Carl was still a giant baby about haircuts, squirming underneath your mother's hands as she cuts at his long strands. Giggles bubbling in your throat as he struggles to escape, an image of his last lopsided style sends you into a laughing fit beside Shane. Your brother grumbles sending you an annoyed glare as you clutch at your sides, eyes scrunched shut as your laughter resonates.

 

        “Baby the longer you fidget the longer it takes, okay?” Lori’s voice breaks through your laughter, hands set his head back into place, straightening him once more. She sends you a glare in discontent, your bellowing making your brother whine more, “(Y/N) that’s enough, you’re next.” You freeze, gulping as her piercing gaze lands on you.

 

        “I’m _trying_ ,” He replied, glaring at you as you raise your hands in mock surrender.

 

        “Well, _try_ harder.” She rolls her eyes, combing his locks once more to smooth it back out.

 

        “If you think this is bad, wait ‘till you start shaving.” Shane bellows, pulling your attention over to him. Shuddering at the thought of your pubescent brother, since you had just started puberty yourself. The thought of a deep voiced Carl gave you the heebie-jeebies, but at least you knew he wouldn’t be sprouting boobs anytime soon unlike yourself.

 

        “Gross,” you complain sending a bewildered look your brothers way, one he readily mirrors.

 

        “Tell you what, you just get through this with some manly dignity and-,” that’s about when you stopped paying attention, gaze drifting over to Sophia who had gestured to you from across the camp. Pulling your gaze from her you look to your mom who was too focused on your brother’s hair, and Shane was still talking. Their words went over your head as you stayed within the confines of your mind. “-We get down to that last can of beans and you’re gonna be lovin’ them frog legs, lady.”

 

        “What? **Ew!** ” That had definitely pulled you out of your stupor long enough to respond. Just the thought of slimy frog legs sliding down your throat had you on the verge of throwing up then and there. Shane chuckles beside you as you send a pleading look to your mother, “Mom, can I go play with Soph?”

 

        “Oh sure sweetie, don’t go off to far. Gotta start up on your hair next.” She threatens with a laughing smile to point her scissors towards you. Just as you had reached your mother you heard the sounds of an alarm. Startled, you spin around and run back to your mom. Only those who were in your group new about your campsite- but your mom had told you last night that it was likely they had all died. Which, explained why Amy had gone running away after something Shane had said something, calling him a _son of a bitch_. What was a son of a bitch anyway? You definitely didn’t know.

 

        A loud _blaring_ alarm breaks the serenity of the atmosphere.

 

        “Talk to me Dale!” Shane yells up to the older man who always stood stationed atop the RV.

        

        “Can’t tell yet.” He shouts back, gaze still fixed through the ends of his binoculars.

        

        “Is it them? Are they back?” Amy asks worriedly.

 

        Fearfully, you run behind your brother and mother, using them as your unofficial shields as a red and black sports car slows to a stop at the end of the road before the quarry. The loud siren scaring you into taking position behind your mothers legs. She sends you and Carl a reassuring glance as Glenn steps from the car. Your mother had declared everyone dead and yet, here he was. You silently question her judgement as the other adults start to holler questions at him over the sounds of the alarm. Lori grabs one of your hands as she tucks Carl under one of her arms.

        “  _Holly crap,_   **_TURN THAT DAMN THING OFF!_** ” Dale’s voice interrupts your stupor as Glenn jumps out mumbling something about not knowing how. Your gaze drifts back to your mom who sends you a reassuring smile before she tugs you closer to herself. She ruffles your hair as Shane finally cuts the alarm attached to Glenn’s car. The silence only gives the adults  more chances to shout broken questions at the Korean man.

 

        A truck pulls in behind Shane’s Jeep, and a sense of dread pools in the pit of your stomach. Out hops Andrea who runs into Amy’s arms cradling her, Morales who sprints over to his wife and kids, and T-Dog who just sadly rejoins the group alone. He had no family waiting for him. After him comes Jacqui, the older woman had taken to staying with him after her original family had died. Unbeknownst to you, tears pool in the corner of your eyes, gaze drifting over the happy reunions.

 

        “Come on,” Lori mumbles, Carl’s sniffles bringing your attention away from the happy reunion as your brother begins to cry along with you. It is now your mother kneels down to your levels. “Okay, “ she continues taking both of your small hands into one of her own, “I know it’s hard, but your daddy would want you both to be _happy_ ,” she states as your lips quiver with bubbling sobs.

 

        “ ** _Hey helicopter boy, come say hello_** ,” Morales prompt perks your interest despite your tears, eyes drifting over to the side as more words spill from the Mexican’s mouth. You lean forward to gaze around your brothers head, sad eyes lighting up as they land on him. An unexpected warmth fills you as Carl lets out a shrill screech.

 

        “ ** _Dad!_** ” He screams breaking from your mother and yourself to run towards the man as he gestures to your group of three. Your legs have you trailing just behind Carl who jumps into the arms of your father who only wraps his arms around him as you slam into his back and cling to them both as well. Your crying resumes as he lifts you both in his arms, nearly falling on his back as he stumbles forward dropping with you both to the ground. You’re crying, your dad is crying, and Carl is sobbing along with you. Some bit of relief hits you as he moves to cradle your head, then Carl’s as he holds you both tightly. So tightly his grip is nearly suffocating with Carl pressed against your chest, but you don’t dare let go in case this was really another dream of his return.

 

        “ _Oh God_ ,” your dad mumbles through his tears just barely managing to stand back up with your doubled weight as he trudges over to your mom who just stares at you all in apparent shock, mouth hanging open and her eyes nearly popping out of her head. Just as you all reach her she steps forward enveloping you all in a hug, near tears herself.

 

        You don’t notice her gaze shift to Shane who stares over in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have honestly put a lot of thought and analysis in this story, almost an unhealthy amount. I have a giant plan spanning from season one all the way to season seven.
> 
> I watched Days Gone By to Tell it to the Frogs about 15 times before I finally settled on these chapters. Thank the gods for Netflix.
> 
> Just so you guys know, this story is mostly about the reader, who she is and learning to live in the zombie apocalypse and is based solely around family. There are romantic themes with other characters, but never with Carl (bc incest is a no thank you).
> 
> I write every chapter while blasting ‘Civilian’- Wye Oak


	6. Contempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people have to learn the hard way.

**_Contempt /noun/_ **

  1. _disregard for something that should be taken into account._



 

* * *

 

        “Disoriented,” your dad speaks up as your brother and yourself use his lap as a makeshift pillow, you hair sprawling across his jean clad legs, “I guess that comes closest. Disoriented.” Lori brushes her fingers across the side of his head, her gaze not once leaving his face.  As his voice goes on to describe his experience more you feel yourself drift into a state of unconsciousness, eyes fluttering shut. The familiar sound of his gravelly voice, one you had missed dearly, is slowly lulling you into a peaceful sleep. As you drift off your mind wanders to Sophia as you remind yourself to apologize for your past jealousy over her united family. Though, it’s one of the last thoughts on your mind as your father reaches down to stroke your hair lightly and compel you to sleep.

 

        “I love you dad,” you mumble sleepily as you slip into unconsciousness, his hand lying on your head as your brother echos your words unbeknownst to your sleeping form. Even the questions of his supposed death fall upon deaf ears as you snuggle into your blankets and deeper into your father’s stomach.

 

         _Your brain sends you into a peaceful dream, one without the dead roaming, a field of flowers before you as your eyes take in the changing of the seasons. Your family stands in the middle of the field your father, mother, and brother focused on your mom’s stomach. Beaming you run over to the trio, only slowing as a small bundle appears in Lori’s arms. Wrapped in blankets she looks down to her red stomach- her blood so realistic as it slides down her pale skin, blue eyes glancing over to meet your gaze as she looks over to you. With a pained smile she fades from existence, and you once again pick up the pace._

 

_As you tread closer Carl’s hair begins to grow, only noticeable as his back is turned to you since he seems to be caring to the baby who has started to take on the size of a toddler. Even your father Rick begins to age, stress lines chiseling themselves into his face as he ages years before your very eyes. He frowns at you as you stop behind Carl, lifting your hand to touch his shoulder. Carl spins around before you can blink, his singular blue eye landing on you. Your gaze lands on his bandage, eyebrows furrowing as you reach to touch it in wonder filled silence._

 

_“Carl?” You mumble sliding a nimble finger across the gauze, you can almost feel the fabric beneath your fingers. You can only imagine the wound that once was his eye._

 

_“Sh, (Y/N), it’s okay,” He soothes with a broken smile, and your hand snaps back to your side, “It’s gonna be_ **_okay_ ** _**.** ”_

 

        “Morning (Y/N),” Carl smiles as you step out of your family’s shared tent. He hands you a plate of canned beans, probably the fifth in the past two days. “Have a good sleep?” Carl laughs gesturing to you knotted hair. Even going to sleep after you he was still the first awake, perhaps you were too lazy. Nah, no such thing as too lazy.

 

        “Shut up Carl, you’re just jealous.” You jest, taking the paper plate and bring a spoonful of beans to your lips. If you could afford to be picky they wouldn’t ever be allowed in your mouth, period. ‘Bush’ did a better job making beans than anyone else, but beans were still beans. You hated beans.

 

        “Jealous? Of what?” He chuckles once more at the thought.

 

        “Of my sleeping bag and I’s relationship of course,” you grin pointing your plastic spoon towards him in an attempt to single him out, “You’re jealous I give it more attention than you.” You laugh at the ridiculousness of the thought.

 

        “Yeah- anyway,” Carl rolls his eyes, “Sophia, Eliza and I were gonna play tag after they finished breakfast. Want to come?”

 

        As if that were a question.

 

        “Duh!” You chirp with a smile, shoveling your beans down faster at the mere suggestion. The unpleasant slime of the processed ‘food’ fading to the back of your mind as all you can focus on is the thought of a game. Anything and everything sounds amazing after your dad miraculously returning from the dead, and not as one of the undead.

 

        After throwing your plate into the fire Carl grabs your wrist and drags you over to the woods, which had been the preferred plays-cape after day one. Though, it was a lot less scary when there were more kids to play with. Some call it safety in numbers, others see it as a lower chance of being eaten. More people mean more options, and those who could run faster were safer than the rest. Not that you had ever seen it that way, your mom sure had though despite how terrible it sounded. Better them than her kids- not that any of the kids were eaten from walkers in the woods. Most had been taken away with her parents who were unconvinced Atlanta wasn’t safe.

 

        Some people just have to learn the hard way.

        Giggling you dodge around the spacious forestry, Sophia hot on your tale with elated laughs of her own. The crunching leaves below your feet sound loud enough to disrupt the serenity of the woods and the breeze leaving you all oblivious to the sound of groans until they were right in front of you. Fearful you all freeze, eyes wide as you jump back with a startled scream.

        

        “Mom!” Carl yells out as you all spin around, hustling back towards camp in fear, “Dad!” He’s louder now as you fall in step beside him in your own panic. Sophia’s own cries for her mother join your own desperate pleas as you shuffle back through the undergrowth.

 

        “Carl? (Y/N?)” Lori’s frantic cries join your own as you all break through the underbrush. “Baby?” She cries in fear, only calming as you both slam against her chest, hands smoothing your hair out as your face presses into her chest, Carl’s hiding in the crook of her neck. “It’s okay, mommy's got you,” she mumbles, “Thank God you’re both okay.”

 

* * *

 

        “Mommy, why does Shane hate me?” You ask later that day, eyes staring over the campfire as Lori works on cutting your hair as she had promised yesterday. Your head remains still as she combs through your locks in silence, you can hear her slowly click her tongue as a sign of her deep thought. Aside from that, the only sound emanating from your perch was the slow clips of her scissors.

 

        “You don’t have to worry about _him_  anymore baby,” she assures, finally, “He won’t be talking to you ever again.” Her words do nothing to assure you as you glance over to the unruly man who only glares at you both from across the camp. Wincing you avert your gaze to observer the dirt beneath your feet.

 

        “Okay mommy,” you mumble as her scissors shear away.  


	7. Vector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nowhere is safe.

_Vector /noun/_

  1. _an organism, typically a biting insect or tick, that transmits a disease or parasite from one animal or plant to another._



* * *

 

        “What do you mean dad went to Atlanta?” It really was considerate of them to let you know last minute, after he had left. Perhaps your mother had wanted you to enjoy your time teasing Eliza’s brother in Dale’s RV, eyes blind to the fight outside as the other siblings had proposed a game of UNO. So engrossed were you all even the sounds of argument had fallen upon deaf ears.

 

        “He left a couple hours ago,” Carl shrugs bluntly, “While you guys were playing UNO.” As if you hadn’t been told that _already_ , he hadn’t been the one to tell you but he had explained the situation. Though you couldn’t understand why they had gone back for Merle he was a big meany. The first time you met the scruffy man he had screamed at you for accidentally knocking over his bag. Needless to say, you weren’t too upset when your mother told you and Carl not to talk to him.

 

        “He didn’t say goodbye,” you frown gaze dropping to the ground as you frown. You knew your dad wasn’t one for departure, but it stung to know he hadn’t even taken the chance to throw you one last ‘bye.’ If he died, it would feel like he didn’t care enough to do so.

 

        “He doesn’t have to, (Y/N),” Carl interjects pulling your downcast look back to his face, “Dad is coming back. If he made it here in one piece before he’ll do it again,” as you glance back down he jabs your ribs to regain your attention, “(Y/N), it’s _dad._ ”  

 

        His words do little to encourage you, but you still send him a smile in thanks. Carl had sat through all of your moments of wishing for your dad. He had put up with your incessant whining about Shane, and your overly clingy behavior for the past few months, Even when you had relentlessly teased him for his crush on Sophia, he brushed it off at the end of the day and stood by you, The least you could do was humor him with the benefit of the doubt- even if you really didn’t feel where he was coming from.

 

        You sit beside him on a log across from the fire-pit, which was just for show in the midst of such an early summer's day. His brown locks just barely fall above his eyebrows, just out of his blue eyes as he smiles to you in reassurance once more. If there was one thing Carl was good at, it was being a big brother. It may have hurt his pride if you admitted it aloud, but he was always so sacrificial. He played dress-up with you, he let you paint his nails, and the one time his hair had grown long- since your mom was letting him donate it all- he had let you braid it.

 

        “Thanks bro,” you grin, punching his shoulder lightly. He only sends you a single curious look before belting out a laugh. Just as he goes to reply jingling sounds behind you both peaking your interest. Peering over your shoulder your eye land on two familiar sets of blonde hair. As they grow closer your eyes land on a stringer, one filled with fish. More fish than you had ever seen caught in your entire life- not that you had been fishing before.

 

        “Woah!” You beam, jumping up to approach the woman. Your brother follows in tow and Sophia swoops in just in time to join your shared intensity.The sun just barely blocks your vision of the two girls as you halt to a stop before them, shielded from the harsh rays behind their shadows. They smile at your inquisitive look, Amy taking the moment to ruffle your hair with her free hand and a small laugh. Childlike innocence never ceases to amaze.

 

        “Yeah woah,” Lori chimes turning around to witness, “Where did you two learn to do that?” Her voice earns the attention of the giggling Amy.

 

        “Our dad.” Amy answers lifting the blue water bottle she had brought back from their fishing trip to her lips, grin still firm on her lips.

 

        “Can you teach me how to do that?” Carl chimes eagerly to which you nod your agreement. There wasn’t any way in hell he would learn without you. Fishing may be boring sometimes, but anything new would be a treat for the first three hours. Well, as far as you were concerned anyhow.

 

        “Sure!” Amy chirps cheerily,”We’ll teach you all about nail knots and stuff,” she shifts her feet back and forth. Excitement fills her at the thought of teaching all the kids in a camp a new skill. Plus it would give her the chance to act like a kid again, if only for  few hours. The thought of focusing solely on fishing for a few hours makes you giddy. Perhaps you would have the chance to really act like a kid again, “If that’s okay?”  She inquires shifting to look at Lori.

 

        Lori can practically feel the puppy dog eyes you and Carl cast upon her, “You won't catch me arguin’.” You jump for joy at the response fist pumping in unison with your brother.

 

* * *

 

        Jim was digging, Dale had taken you all to see him and Shane- Shane had whooped his ass. Just watching your dad’s best friend take him down made chills run down your spine. Sitting down at your ‘study table’, as your mom liked to call it, you all pretend the hill incident never happened. Though you never actually study as Carl and Sophia do, doodling away as they focus on Maths. Surprisingly enough you mom never pay mind and Sophia’s mom never cares to tell her. Not that you mind, anything to escape school. It’s the apocalypse, who needs to know that this thing called pi is the square root of a circle?

 

        You were ten, even if the world hadn’t ended you wouldn’t be learning about pi for years. Place high in Math once and the whole universe is out to get you. After some fidgeting, and your mother taking notice of your lack of notes she sent you away with a sigh. It wasn’t as if she understood anything on the paper either so she couldn’t hold it against you.

 

        With a pep in your step you skip towards Amy who sits reading a book by the fire-pit, your shadow casting over her not disrupting her deep peace. Slowing your steady pace you tip-toe over to the purple canvas chair, silently peeking over her shoulder as she runs her finger along the page. You can barely read the words as your shadow casts over the inked sheets, gaining her attention. She smiles as her iris’ land on you, gesturing for you to sit in front of her before busying herself with her book again.

 

        Grinning you lean your head against her legs and nod to Shane who deadpans to you from his spot gutting the fish before he hands the job over to Morales. After giving you one flick of his hand in acknowledgment he walks over to chat up Jim. Disinterested you focus on the fillet knife in Morales hand as he goes to work at expertly gutting the fish.        

 

        “Hey Amy, whatchya reading?” You lift a questioning eyebrow, not that she can see it.

 

        “Ah- it’s called _‘The Awakening’_ ,” she shrugs under your touch, “It’s pretty good.” The girl below you lets out a slow sigh and places a bookmark in to remember her pager.

 

        “Can I read it?” Anything would do to pass the time, even a book you knew nothing about. Honestly, if you had to study, play trucks, dolls, or another round of UNO _again-_.

 

        “Ah- once I’m finished you can borrow it.” She states placing the book in her lap before reaching to fiddle with your hair as she always does.

 

* * *

 

        Your dad isn’t back yet, and it’s dinner time. It’s really lousy that he’s taking his time along with Glenn, T-Dog, and Daryl since your stomach was nearly eating itself. Surely you had eaten plenty, but you still longed for more; however, your mother’s stern glare practically forbade it. Settling against your brothers side you let out a small sigh, relaxing your head on his shoulder. He doesn’t tense and instead pushes some of your hair from his face as he continues eating his fish. A fish you stare longingly at as if you hadn’t eaten in days despite the two fish you were allotted. Perhaps you should have slowed down when eating- you were just so goddamn hungry.

 

        “Man oh man that’s good.” Shane mumbles taking in another bite of his fish, which only makes your glare harden on him. In this moment you _hated_ Shane. “I missed this.”

 

        “I gotta ask you man, it’s been driving me crazy,” Morales speaks up gaining your attention. Eliza’s dad didn’t talk much.

 

        “What?” Dale questions.

 

        “That watch,” **and** he lost you. Not that Dale’s watch wasn’t interesting just that- well it wasn’t. A watch is a watch, you just don’t see the purpose. It’s not like you knew the day or time anyway- and as long as you were breathing you didn’t really care. With a sigh you look to your brother dropping the infamous puppy dog eyes. Carl lets out a little groan as he offers you his fork for a bite, a bite that turns to several.

 

        “Hey- don’t eat it all!” He complains yanking his fork from your hand after a particularly large inhale of his fish. Bless him, for you felt as if you would have died without it.

 

        “Sorry.” You laugh after swallowing it. He sends you a half hearted glare before going back to his -ever so delicious- trout once more. Humming in content you lean your head against his shoulder once more, staring into the fire. You only peel your focus away when Amy stands, interrupting your focus. Turning on her heel she begins towards the RV.

 

        “Where are you going?” Andrea questions immediately.

 

        “I have to pee,” Amy states as if it were the single most obvious thing in the world, “ _Geeze,_ you try to be **discreet** around here.” Giggling you sit up straight. You felt the same way every time you went to pee and your mom pulled the same stunt. It wasn’t as if you could go around the tree like Carl.

 

        A few minutes pass of the adults passing stories, a bored smile on your face as you attempt to humor them. The jokes they’re passing back and forth fly right over your head as you feign understanding. A few times Sophia turns to you muttering an explanation as you prod her for answers, Carl being just as lost as you are.

        “We’re out of toilet paper?” Amy exclaims trying to gain the attention of the group, only to scream as a walker rounds the camper and takes a huge chunk out of her arm. Screaming yourself you jump up, Lori grabs ahold of your arm and Carl's in her panic as more walkers emerge.

 

        “ **Everybody down!** ” She pulls you both down as Shane fires a round into the nearest walker. Then another to the next closest quickly in an attempt to protect your family. Your mom cradles you and Carl against her chest as you both cry in a panic together. She grabs a hold off the back of Shane’s shirt as your brother begins screaming again, your panic only mimicking hers as you go.

 

        “ ** _Shane what do we do? Shane?_** ” She asks hurriedly.

 

        “ **FOLLOW ME!** ” He shouts out to gain the attention of the entire group during the fight for your lives. He leads your family and Sophia’s through the chaos calling out to the other remaining survivors you all pass.

 

        “ **STAY CLOSE!** ” He barks out again to keep you all hot on his tail. Screams litter the air doing nothing to calm your senses.

 

        “ **COME ON YALL, WORK YOU WAY UP HERE!** ” He’s leading you all to the RV as your mom shouts questions and commands to him. You only continue cowering against her as you all move, silencing your screams as you try to calm. You know noise attracts them, but you’re having trouble stilling your beating heart. Morales family slowly emerges through the horde towards your group. That’s when more shots sound, new ones. Part of your fear dies off as you know that can only mean one thing.

 

        Your dad’s group is back with the guns. The walkers all begin dropping like flies and you take this moment to hide your face in Lori’s side, letting all your anxiety show. The stress of the panic has you weeping again as you cling to her. You hear your dad screaming and Carl tugs you away from your mom to face him. He hasn’t begun sprinting towards him before you’re already halfway to your dad’s awaiting figure. Amidst the chaos all you can feel is relief.

 

        Before you know it you’re both clinging to him, crying desperately. In fear, in relief. Even the tears from yesterday pale in comparison to your second reunion as you bury your face in your dad's neck and being sobbing. All your anxieties remain hidden in the crook of his neck as you pour your heart out. Only pulling away when your dad sets you down and your family turns to face Andrea who sit crying over Amy’s dead body.


	8. Assuage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We fear for our loved ones.
> 
> We fear for ourselves.

**_Assuage /verb/_ **

  1. _make (an unpleasant feeling) less intense._



 

* * *

 

        You didn’t sleep that night, nor did Carl. Instead you remained clinging to each other in the RV, the only place your mother deemed safe until sunrise. Dale didn’t mind you all staying within, for he hadn’t planned on sleeping either. At some point you faintly remember your watching your dad go up the clearing on the hill Jim had dug at the day prior. It wasn’t long after that Lori entered the camper to usher you both out and past Andrea who still crouched above Amy, silently weeping.

 

        Your heart calls out to her as you step closer to Carl in apprehension, fear lingering deep within your bones. Andrea had lost her baby sister, and all you could imagine was Carl and yourself in that position. However, here you stood, safe from the harsh reality of the situation. Even as Amy’s chest failed to rise and fall from the right angle you could convince yourself she was still breathing. Why wouldn’t she be?

 

        Amy had simply gone to the bathroom, perhaps the events of the night were just a nightmare gone wrong. The exhaustion you felt could only be from the nightmare that woke you, not the harsh reality. In fact, as Amy’s body began to stir you felt a sense of relief. She really was fine all along- until you noticed her cloudy eyes, the dried blood, and the groans. Your heart fell once more at the sight of your dead friend as you once more avert your gaze. Carl tugs you closer to his side as Andrea places her gun against her undead sister's head.

 

        “I love you,” then she pulls the trigger.

 

* * *

 

        “(Y/N),” your dad ushers you over after the chaos off unraveling Jim’s secret. You don’t know the man well enough to feel the sadness brought on by Amy’s death and Andrea’s sudden coldness, “Your mother tells me you were close, to Amy.” He stares you down until you nod slowly in affirmation, he sighs lightly as you sniffle and shot your gaze over to the grave the adults had assigned to her.

 

        “I- I was,” you mumble nodding up at him, “She was going to let me borrow her book.” You sniffle, rubbing at your tired eyes. Rick nods once in understanding as he pulls you close to his chest. You take a deep breath taking comfort in his embrace, basking in the protective bubble your father always holds you in. One last calming breath slithers down your lungs before you pull away to watch the scene once more.

 

        “Are we safe now dad? Now that we’re together?” Carl questions bringing you out of your mind as your family walks down the hill together.

 

        “I won't leave again, I promise you that. Not for anything.” He assures kneeling down to your level, his eyes meet with Carl’s sincerity in his eyes. You nod in understanding as you grab ahold of your mother's shirt. Carl nods as well, his tears he had be suppressing earlier once again taking refuge in the corners of his eyes. “Now, give me a chance to discuss some things with your mom. Okay?” He lifts a hand to swipe a tear that had fallen from Carl’s cheek.

 

        “Yeah,” he whispers, nodding once more. You release your mother and depart with him, walking over to the fire-pit. Once a serene place it only brings your mind back to the horrors of last night. All the people you knew, and those you didn’t, ripped apart limb from limb. The day this had all started your mother hadn’t sent you or Carl to school as you all had made yourselves sick from the stress of your father being in the hospital. You hadn’t the faintest idea of what was happening when Shane barged in your house and you all packed up as he told you your father had died.

 

        “Hey Carl?” You mumble, kicking up some dirt.

 

        “Yeah?”

 

        “I’m glad you’re okay.”

 

        “I’m glad you’re okay too.”


	9. Unfocus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walkers chase you both into the woods. 
> 
> You're done for.

**_Unfocus /verb/_ **

  1. _make or become blurred or unable to see clearly._



 

* * *

 

        The days move by in a blur after that day as you try to wrap your mind around what happened back at the quarry. Even as your family packs up to head towards the CDC you find your mind wandering elsewhere. Back to the fresh blood of the others spilling on the ground, and the death of Amy. As you close your eyes at night the shrill screams still haunt you. You follow the others full of fear, but free of perception as you are shielded behind your mother from lurking walkers. You pay the others no mind as you huddle in the center of the group, eyes trained on the sealed door instead. Your eyes seal tightly in a anxiety as the doors remained closed to your group, imminent doom your biggest fear as your father pounds on the door screaming for mercy. Behind the lids of your iris’ you recall your few years of your life as if it is all coming back to crash down on you.

 

        Then as if some godsend miracle the doors open and you all usher inside. Of course you register your blood being drawn, and your hot shower after your brothers. But after a dinner with wine- which was horribly disgusting- and a breakfast of powdered eggs you regrettably forget everything between that and your escape. Though, even escaping the explosion- with one person less- barely stays with you as the RV turns around and you all speed off in the opposite direction. You breath a sigh of relief as the explosion becomes an ant through the back window.

 

        You all had stopped a few times on the trip from Atlanta, scavenging abandoned cars and houses along the road. Even staying outside the random gas station when Daryl complains about exhaustion. Though you usually find yourself drifting off with your head in Carl’s lap as you stare out the window.

 

        After countless days on the road you feel the car pull to a stop. With a groan you lift your head from Carl’s lap, rubbing crust from your eyes as you yawn. Lori turns to smile back at you as you send her a small semblance of one before looking out the window. Carl laughs lightly when you fail to hold your weight and nearly bang your head against the window.

 

        “You alright (Y/N)?” Your mom asks as you rub the side of your head with a few fingers.

 

        “I’m okay mom.” You smile up at her with another bigger yawn.

 

        “Welcome back to the  world of the living (Y/N),” Rick jests looking back at you over his shoulder. You smile sheepishly at Sophia and Carol who smile at you as well. You had nearly forgotten they were in the car at all. They were eerily silent as you pull your eyes from them and return your focus to the outside world.

 

        The group comes rolling to a stop as the RV begins to hiss in front of you all. Your mother and father throw their doors open quickly before jumping out of the car. The RV door slams open as you take your place beside your dad in silence grabbing ahold of his hand as you all move closer. Dale emerges first, annoyance painting his face with Shane hot on his tail.

 

        “I said _it_ , didn’t I say it?” He grumbles heading for the vehicle’s engine. “A _thousand times_ , dead in the water.”

 

        “A problem, Dale?” Shane questions stepping around the man to survey the highway before them, littered with tens of thousands of vehicles. You can just imagine the food hidden within, stomach rumbling in a plea for nourishment.

 

        “Oh just the small matter of being stuck in the middle of   _nowhere_ with no hope o _f_ ,” he pauses as Daryl walks over to a nearby car with it’s back hatch open. The lanky redneck reaches in and pulls out a small package, “ _Okay,_ that was dumb.” The old man notes as he glances at it then the highway. You don’t exactly understand why he stopped but you figured it had to be for good reason.

 

        “We can find a radiator hose here,” Shane notes, eyes scanning the highway once again with his shotgun pointed down.

 

        “There’s a whole bunch of stuff we could find.” Daryl adds, shifting through the trunk.

 

        You look to Carl with a grin then shift the gaze to Sophia who smiles back at you. The prospect of rummaging through the old cars reminding you of a scavenger hunt. You could find food, water, and maybe even knew clothes. Your shirt was starting to get a bit big for you, but none of your mother’s clothes would do. You were also almost positive you could feel the pavement through the sole of your shoes with definitely meant it was time for a new pair. Full of excitement you shift pleading eyes to your mom as if asking for her blessing. As others bring up thoughts similar to your own, if only slightly, you beam with hope.

 

        “This is a graveyard,” Lori speaks crushing your hopes. The others all pause their thoughts, exchanging glances as they mull over her words, but you can’t help the sinking feeling in your heart. All the things you could have, and your mother frowned upon the idea of taking from the dead. “I don’t know how I feel about this.”

 

        “Alright, alright here we go,” Shane draws you from your thoughts as he speaks up, “C'mon y'all, let's look around. Gather what you can.” He practically ignores your mom's wishes beckoning for everyone to part from the gathering around the immobile RV.

 

        In silent compliance your  mother retracts her statement wrapping an arm over yours and Carl’s shoulders as she leads you both down the highway behind Carol and Sophia. Despite the moment of sobriety and the sudden somberness of the group you can’t help the excitement that once again wells in your gut.

 

        “Kids _don’t_ look,” Carol speaks up as you all pass a car with a dead family inside. You heed her words despite the constant pep in your step as you nearly skip behind the woman. Your insides are jumping for joy despite the reality of the situation. Though, you’re trying to keep your focus on the little things and not your fears. After the brooding you had done the few days after camp fell you have been trying to stay positive despite it all.

 

        ‘(Y/N), stay close.” Your mother chastises as you skip over to the hatch of a station wagon to peer inside at the clothes hoping they’re your size.

 

        “But _mom_ -”

 

        “I mean it,” she demands, bite in her voice as you sigh and walk back over to her side with a frown. “We’ll look in there later,” she assures now, smiling at you as you catch up. This only reignites the flame that you had let dwindle down.

 

        “Ed never let me wear things like this,” Carol sighs as she  steps away from the car you had been checking prior, “We’re gonna need clothes.” You tried to set aside that Carol got to look before you did but you still felt a little jealous. You wanted the first peak.

 

        “Hey Carl, (Y/N),” She states going back to the car you had been at now too, “Always within my sight, okay?” Your face breaks into a grin as you pump your fist in excitement, though you hoped to find clothes elsewhere now. Your mother would surely spoil the surprise or try to give you something girly. Now wasn’t exactly the time to dress as a princess.

 

        “You too, Sophia.” Carol chimes causing the blonde girl beside you merely nods to her mom, but looks almost lost without her in this moment. You sigh wishing to share your curiosity with the obviously disinterested girl. Perhaps your mother's words truly had affected her unlike you believed before. Shrugging it off you lightly grab her wrist and send her a smile as you tug her to a nearby truck to start going through.

 

        “You okay, Soph?” You peer at her as you reach into the bed and began rummaging through a young girl's bag. Though after finding no items of interest you shift over to a boys. The blonde shifts her gaze to you as she sighs and begins to look through the bag you had discarded.

 

        “Yeah, I’m okay.” Then she is silent once more as she begins digging. You decide to ignore her silence and instead focus upon your looting. At the bottom of the bag you find a pair of black boys boots that look at least a size too big. You don’t mind it though as you hop up to sit on the back hatch of the truck and kick your shoes off. You immediately replace them with the faux leather lace up boots. Instead of worrying about the size you remember all your mothers comments about getting shoes with room to grow. Hopefully the pair would last you, they don’t feel very worn as you hop from your spot to get a feel for them.

 

        You smile to her again as she tries to join you in your enthusiasm, holding a shirt she had found up to her chest and spinning around. It was probably several sizes too big on her, but it never hurt to have more pyjamas. Besides, you had no doubts about her getting taller- though you doubt you would grow much more after your trips to the doctor before this started.

 

        “ ** _Lori_** ,” you jump as you hear your father whisper shout your name a few cars over, “ ** _Under the cars_**.” He states gesturing downwards causing you to inwardly panic as he begins closer, “Carl, Sophia, (Y/N), get down **_now_**.” The urgency in his voice makes you obey instantly, grabbing Sophia and making her follow you under another nearby truck. You place a hand on the older girls back despite your fear trying to comfort her by rubbing circles into her back. You can feel her trying to hold in her panic beside you, and you can tell she’s going to cry. Hell, you are too.

 

        You hold in your fears as you focus on comforting the girl beside you, as her anxiety could get _you_ killed in this moment. You’re not ready to die. The crowd eventually dies down, and you feel relief seep into your bones. Sophia begins to move out from under the truck and you let her with a sense of serenity until a walker growls approaching your truck. You jump when a Sophia lets out a small scream, rolling over to get out from under the car quickly. She joins your side when she is free crawling under the gate rail as you hop it, two walkers on your tails. You both run for the woods, with you slightly in the lead as you run into the trees. Your heartbeat jumps in your chest, thumping so hard you’re in pain as you jump over fallen trees and mounds of dirt.

 

        You can feel yourself panting as you go, and Sophia’s constant little whines assure you she’s alive and well behind you. But you don’t stop because you know the walkers aren’t too far behind, and they will catch you. And after your day, you really weren’t into the thought of being an all you can eat buffet. Your shoes, although big, prove to be your saving grace as they take in the terrain- but you can still feel your ankle pop as you step over a decently sized rock. You can even hear the pop, and running surely hurts but you can continue on. You only cease for a moment to pick Sophia back up after you witness her falling behind you before beginning again.  That is until you crash into your dad's arms along with the other.

 

        “Dad,” you chirp quietly, panic in your eyes as you look up at him. Though you feel Sophia squirm before she recognizes him herself.

 

        “Hey, you alright?” He asks, surveying you thoroughly.  
        "I'm fine."  
         “You okay?” He asks checking Sophia for injuries now.

 

        “Yes, I am.” She says louder than necessary reaching for his gun over his shoulder.

 

        “No, **_no_** ,” he states firmly swatting at her hand, “Those walkers on the road would hear it. They’d be at us too, there’d be hundreds.” He scoops you both up in his arms to his best abilities before breaking into a light jog. He sets you both down before a creek. “Alright, do you both wait here. Just stay there real quick.” You wince as you set weight on your ankle, and your dad jumps down before you both offering his arms to help you down into the creek. He treads through the water trying to devise a plan, sprinting when he notices hollowed tree roots.

 

        “Dad?” You murmur as he sets you back down, though you don’t think telling him about how badly your foot hurts or how much its making you have to cry would be a good idea yet. He ignores the question anyway.

 

        “You both have to do exactly as I say,” he states holding a hand before his eyes as he begins to talk, “Hide in there,” he gestures to the opening, “Squeeze in tight and I’ll draw them away.”

 

        “No. No. No! Don’t leave.” Sophia pleas.

 

        “Listen, listen, _listen_ ,” he laces his hands on her face to confront her. He knows he only needs to do this for her as you have already climbed into the opening, placing your trust in him. “They don’t get winded, I do. I can only deal with them one at a time. I wouldn’t be able to protect _you_. This is how we both survive you understand?”

 

        He then recollects the directions ushering them to you as he backs away to find the walkers once more. As he disappears you can’t help but remember what Carl had told you the day he had left again, finding comfort in his words.

 

         _“Dad is coming back. If he made it here in one piece before he’ll do it_ _again._ _”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone wonders, there's not a chapter missing in between. I purposely skipped the CDC as I believe the character (or reader in this case), would be too consumed with themselves to notice a change. Life goes by so slowly for a kid and the visit to the CDC is nearly in a blink of an eye so I decided to just cut it's existence.
> 
> She knows she went there, but she was basically a walker herself to be quite blunt.


	10. Disobedience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the fight gets rough, the weak keep running.
> 
> But the strong get back up once they've fallen down.

**_Disobedience /noun/_ **

  1. _failure or refusal to obey rules or someone in authority._



* * *

 

        Little time had passed when Sophia had decided to head back. Not even five minutes after your dad had disappeared into the undergrowth had she urged you to head out along with her. You demanded that she stay as she had no clue which way she was headed, nor did you, but she insisted. Despite wanting to aid her as she was your friend, the throbbing of your ankle had only intensified as you crouch behind the roots. In fact, you had begin sobbing in the pain which lead to her ultimately leaving in search of help. Although, a part of you hoped to see her again you feared she would never return. So instead you sat awaiting the return of your dad after adjusting yourself to a somewhat comfortable position, though your ankle still throbbed even as you stretched your leg.

 

        You weren’t sure how long you sat there staring at the dirt still connected to the roots, wondering if and when someone would be back for you. However, the sounds of water being moved by feet did little to excite you, enticing your fear once more until you could hear your dad beckoning to you and Sophia. Relieved you let out a sharp breath, leaning your head back as you let yourself relax the best you could.

 

        “Daddy?” You call hesitantly, trying your best to peer around the roots without stirring your injury too much. Before you can blink Rick is at the entrance peering down at you, quickly taking notice that Sophia had gone.

 

        “Where’s Sophia?” He asks, bending down to your level.

 

        “She- she went to get help,” you state, pushing yourself out of your corner, “She didn’t want to wait for you anymore when I was hurt.” As soon as your words leave your mouth your dad panics pulling out of your hiding place.

 

        “Did one of them _bite_ you? _Scratch_ you?” He asks his even as he pokes and prods at your skin.

 

        “No, my ankle,” you gesture to the dead appendage that only throbs as your dad scoops you up and carries you to sit on dry ground and survey the injury, “It popped while we were running. I didn’t want you to worry about it, I didn’t want them to hurt you.” He unties the laces off your boot before pulling it off along with your wet sock. Red skin glares back at him and you blanch when you realize it's swollen up to the size of a golf ball. Not to mention some of the bone almost looks displaced. You grimace as you dad tries to move your foot to survey it, letting out a shout. “It’s my fault she’s missing dad- I should have stopped her.”

 

        “No, it isn’t,” Rick disagrees scooping you up in his arms to carry you back to the road, “You couldn’t of stopped her,” you frown as your ankle lolls but eventually adjust to the pain, “You did what you’re told and I’m glad you did because if you didn't you’d be missing too- or worse.” By that you knew he meant dead, and you can help but be relieved your dad had saved you, just like he always does.

 

        “I love you daddy.” You murmur letting the stress, guilt, and pain wear down on you.

 

        “I love you too, (Y/N). Sweet dreams princess,” he smiles placing a firm kiss on your forehead.


	11. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes by a lot faster if you just sleep through it.

 

**_Guilt /noun/_ **

  1. _a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation._



 

* * *

 

        The next time your eyes opened you were being carried to the group as your mother and brother ran over to you both, relief painted across their faces clear as day. The others had just taken notice of your arrival as your dad drags you over to the RV, wincing as you cry out with every few steps. The moment you regained consciousness the pain came rushing back to you. Once you let out a noise of pain your mother was on your dad's rear, worry overtaking her past joy.

 

        “Rick, what happened?” Lori asks, Carol in tow asking about the whereabouts of Sophia. However, as you look up at your dad with tear filled eyes he takes to ignoring them. “Rick?”

 

        “Shane, can you get the RV door?” The dark haired male is quick to pull the door open for the man, surveying your injury from his position. He nods to your father as he carries you inside and over to the dining bench you all share.

 

        “Rick, what happened to our baby?” Lori presses again, panicked as she follows inside with Carl in tow.

 

        “(Y/N)’s ankle is broken, happened when the walkers were chasing her and Sophia- we don’t know where Sophia is, she went to find help.” Your dad answers, looking for anything to be used as a splint. He doesn’t have to look long as Shane runs out to as the others if they had found anything they could use for a brace or a cast. Though not entirely successful he eventually returns with a ankle wrap and a stick. “This the bet we got?” The affirmative makes your dad nod as he looks up to you, remorse in his eye, “I’m sorry (Y/N), this is going to hurt.”

 

* * *

 

        You had been left behind in the care of Dale and TDog as the others left to find Sophia. Finding a splint had been hard enough, and when they looked for crutches they had found none. Since you didn’t plan on walking with crutches for the rest of your life you really didn’t mind being bedridden. Thankfully the mattress in Dale’s RV was comfortable- though you couldn’t stop your mind from wandering back to just a few weeks ago when Jim had been in that very place. You can’t help but long for the days of UNO or playing dolls, being immobile really didn’t suit your energy levels.

 

        “You doin’ alright kiddo?” Dale questions from the front of the RV, walking back to check on you. You didn’t have to tell him how bored you were, you had already expressed it seventeen times at least.

 

        “I’m okay.” You pout looking out the window.

 

        “I found you this,” Dale carries on pulling out a hardcover book. Your eyes drop to inspect the cover and you frown as he continues to hold it out to you. “It was Amy’s, said she was gonna let you borrow it, right?” The cover of _‘The Awakening’_  stares down at you as you avert your gaze, memories of your hair being braided filling you, but you push it aside to smile up at the man in thanks of the gesture. Although Dale wasn’t close to you, or Amy, he was still good at picking up on everyone's habits. The old man always had his eyes on everything, he probably knew secrets about everybody. Thankfully you weren’t really old enough to have any juicy secrets yet.

 

        “Thank you,” you mumble basically snatching the book from his hands. He smiles in triumph as you pull the book open with a hum, he then steps out of the RV in hopes of your dying boredom. Just far enough away that- if you did become bored again- he wouldn’t have to hear about it.

 

        Just as you get into the book, the pain in your ankle begins to resound in your mind. The sheer lack of pain medication was taking a toll on you and all you wanted was sleep at this point. Anything to make it stop, but it didn’t it only got worse as your mind returned to everyone else's’ purpose.

 

        Looking for Sophia.

 

        Guilt rests on your shoulders as tears fill your eyes. You settle back into the bed placing the book beside you as your thoughts run rampant. The more you focused the more reasons you knew this was your fault. You hadn’t stopped Sophia from running, and you hadn’t gone after her. If she died this would be on you. You knew it to be truth, no matter what the others said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler <3
> 
> You're welcome.


	12. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse.
> 
> They always do.

**_Shock /noun/_ **

  1. _a feeling of disturbed surprise resulting from an upsetting event._



 

* * *

 

        “ _Shot?_ What do you mean shot?” Dale’s voice outside the RV was the first thing to rouse you from your sleep within the RV, startling you enough to jump out of your dreams. Sitting up to your best abilities you crawl over to the window to peek out. Outside stands Dale and a panicked Glenn who is barely catching his breath as if he had run a marathon. You can barely make out their exchange from your perch behind the closed window. Behind him the others begin to emerge, all as if they had been running.

 

        You jump once again when Andrea storms into the RV, glaring at you as you move to speak. You close your mouth as the blonde woman storms over the the table and plops down in her seat with her arms crossed. You frown flopping back on your bed, starring at the ceiling in wait for someone to tell you. Whatever had happened seem to have stirred quite a ruckus, it sucked being a kid. You just wanted to know, was that a crime?

 

        The door opens once more, this time much more gently than the last. You break your staredown long enough to meet Glenn’s gaze as he walks over to your bed. Confused you raise an eyebrow at him and sit up once more. The Korean man's mouth opens several times, as if he were on the verge of saying something. He continues this until you give him yet another odd look.

 

        “Glenn? Are you okay?” You raise an eyebrow.

 

        “Carl- Carl’s been shot, (Y/N). He’s alive, but he’s hurt.” Glenn finally throws the bomb down upon you. You blink in silence, staring at him. Your face appears blank as the edges of the Earth wrap around you. Everything is wrong- it has just been getting worse.

 

        Amy, _Sophia,_ **_Carl._**

 

        How many more were you going to ** _lose_** _?_

 

        “Take me to him,” you say finally, staring up into the Asian man’s dark brown eyes. He babbles lightly searching for the right words to reply with as he shakes his head.

 

        “I can’t, you’re hurt you have to stay-” He freezes up as you begin sobbing. Your cold composure breaking into a mess as you begin practically screaming. Your heart hammering in your chest as you plead the Korean man. Carl was your sense of normalcy, the thought of losing him now was killing you. You had to at least see him before he died. _If_  he died.

 

_You prayed he wouldn’t die._

 

        “Please Glenn,” you cry, “ _Please_.” And that’s how you found yourself in the back of a car on the way to the Greene farm.


	13. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys are stupid, and your brother happens to be the dumbest.

_**Pain /verb/** _

  1. **cause mental or physical pain to.**



* * *

Your mind had finally started to clear up as the car slowly pulled on the road up to the farm, your ankle prodded up across the backseat. Glenn and TDog had picked up some idle chitchat, but mostly ignored you as they drove forward. You didn’t mind it much as your gaze drifts along the road, tired eyes trying to take in the blurred field around you. You can feel yourself falling asleep, but something in the back of your mind keeps nagging you.

 

“Glenn ** _?_** ”

 

“(Y/N)?” He asks as your eye meet his brown ones in the rear-view mirror.

 

“Why does Andrea hate me so much?” You sniffle, rubbing at your eyes with a deep seated frown.

 

“She doesn’t hate you, (Y/N),” TDog speaks up, though his voice sounds pained.

 

“You probably remind her of Amy.” Glenn says, ending your questioning as your gaze drifts down. _Amy_ , you missed her too, but you didn’t get why it would make Andrea dislike you.

 

Dropping it, you keep your gaze focused outside as the Cherokee pulls to a stop outside of an old ranch house. Relief fills you as Glenn rounds to your side of the car and opens the door to pull you out. For a short lightweight guy, he’s still surprisingly strong considering he had carried you to the car and now he was the one carrying you to the house. He stops only halfway to the door to glance back at TDog.

 

“So do we ring the bell? I mean, it looks like people live here.”

 

“We’re past this kinda stuff arent we?” TDog  responds as if it were obvious though he looks as if he could faint, “Havin’ to be considerate…”

 

Glenn has no response to that, since it was pretty accurate considering why you were all there in the first place. The reason you were all here was because one of the people that lived here shot your brother, you definitely didn’t think being considerate was necessary. Not that you would necessarily know being twelve and all.

 

“Y’all close the gate close the gate up the road when you drove- she sleepin?” Glenn jumps slightly as a woman’s voice disrupts the silence, stirring your ankle enough for you to cry out. You feel slightly out of place as the two men look between each other after Glenn grimaces down at you as a form of apology. She stands to join the three of you, standing at a safe distance as if to ensure her safety.

 

“Hi- yes, we closed it- the- the,” Glenn was stuttering now.

“ _Glenn_ closed it,” you chime in, eyes locking with hers before you look back  to Glenn, “Can you hurry up Glenn? I want to see Carl.” You were growing very impatient with the domestics, and since you couldn’t walk on your own Glenn was your only way inside. Unless you wanted to drag your body, but you wouldn’t exactly be opening doors that way.

 

They ignore you to talk again, but you can’t find yourself tuning in as you pray you'll all head inside soon. She approaches after a while, noticing TDog’s cut, even asking about your ankle.

* * *

The next time you’ve zoned in the man Hershel has a makeshift cast- ten times better than the splint- around your ankle being helped to Carl’s room by one of his daughters as your parents had taken to the porch. Plopping down beside him relief fills you, tears in your eyes as you see his chest rising and falling. The blonde girl who had helped you quickly retreats as you haphazardly drop into the chair beside your unconscious brother.

 

Every part of you wants to scream, to hit him, to demand he wake up, but you know it’s fruitless- it’s selfish. He’s suffering, and sleeping is the only way he doesn’t feel the pain. If he were awake, sobbing or crying for help- you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself together.

 

“You’re an _**idiot,**_ ” you sniffle, leaning your head against the side of his bed.

* * *

His coughing startled you awake, jumping in your seat as you sit up. He’s panting, and as you look beside you Hershel stands from his chair to look him over -he must have let you stay after he kicked your parents out. Your mom takes a spot on his right side as you remain uncomfortably by his left, still unable to move with the cast.

 

“Where are we?”

 

“That’s Hershel, we’re in his house…. You had an accident. _Alright_?”

 

“It hurts, a **_lot_**.”

 

Before you know it, after he’s started talking about a deer he’s having a seizure. You startle, panicking as you are forced to watch him spasm, and as Hershel says he doesn’t have enough blood your heart drops. It’s at this moment you wish you had the same blood type as your dad risks his life again, giving his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That concludes my story transfer. 
> 
> I don't know when I'll be updating this, but hopefully I'll do it soon. 
> 
> Look for updates here or on my quotev: https://www.quotev.com/thedeadswimming


	14. Sudden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be warning you all now, I am taking from the show and the comic. The FC of the characters are portrayed by all the actors, but I want to add a twist to my story. And if the producers of the show can completely disrespect the comic like they did in 8.08, then I too can diverge. I want to bring out a wholesome ending, and I hope you all enjoy this new adventure pushed onto me to redeem TWD after Scott Gimple decided to soil its good name.

**_Sudden /adj/_ **

    1. _occurring or done quickly and unexpectedly or without warning._



* * *

The next day, ~~unbeknownst to you,~~ the rest of the group arrived. Curled up in the armchair beside Carl’s deathbed, you awoke to the sound of the door opening. Lifting your head, you squint as you adjust to the light. In the doorway stood Maggie Greene, the woman you had met last night. She smiled to you, a small silver tray in her hands as she approached. She set it on the table positioned between you and the bed, holding out a glass of water to you as you peered up at her through your lashes.

“Glad to see you’re finally awake,” Maggie spoke, sitting beside you in the other chair, “I brought you some breakfast, in case you’re hungry.”

You glance over to the plate arrayed with eggs, bacon, and pancakes. You take the water she still held, sipping from the cup. It was lukewarm, due to the lack of ice, and yet it still refreshed and renewed your throat that had since dried out. You hair was sticking to your face in some places, the semblance of old tears gluing them there. Your eyes appeared swelled to the woman, who could only offer you another semblance of a smile as she gestured back to your plate.

“Where’s my dad?” You grab the plate sitting back in your chair. When you had fallen asleep, he had been in the very chair she now occupied. In fact, he had fallen asleep before you. Why did they leave you in the chair, but relocate him?

“Oh, your mom came and got him up this s'mornin'. Tried to get you too, but you wouldn’t budge,” Maggie laughs as you sheepishly blush and pick at your food, “You clung to that chair in your sleep.”

You grumble, puffing your cheeks up, “It was comfortable.”

Maggie laughs as you blush, standing to ruffle your hair. She leaves the room as you settle into your spot, shoveling food into your mouth. Not long after she had left, your brother let out a small, content sigh. Shifting in his sleep he turned onto his side, cuddling up to the pillow he had been allotted. Relief flew through you as he continued his peaceful slumber, a complete juxtaposition from the day prior where he had been screaming in the midst of a seizure. Your heart ached and your head bowed as you looked over him with shimmering blue eyes, the tears from the night prior threatening to return. The thought of the bullet lodged within his chest, the internal bleeding, the suffering your big brother was going through was single-handedly tearing you apart.

In nearly two days, you had lost your best friend- and could potentially lose your brother. Your kin, your blood, the one who had been born merely 30 minutes prior to your arrival on this god forsaken planet. He was so pale in this lighting, ghostly. If it weren’t for his movement, you’d have thought him dead, and yourself alone. First your dad, had been shot then your brother. It was a vicious cycle in which Grimes’ blood attracted lead faster than moths to a flame.

Sighing, you place your plate back on the table your appetite lost. Instead you decide to take comfort in the rise and fall of your brother’s chest.

The only thing confirming he was **alive**.

**Author's Note:**

> This concept has been in my head for several years now, but I was never really pushed to do it until my friend (waywardlullabies on Tumblr) pushed me to do it. The story takes place from pre-season one, to the current season of The Walking Dead.
> 
> I originally posted this on Quotev, this isn't stolen. Same writer different Alias.


End file.
